💔 Terrifying Confession! Amy Duggar King Opens Up About Face-to-Face With Josh After Abuse Scandal — “That Smile Still Haunts Me”

Speaking to PEOPLE about her new memoir, ‘Holy Disruptor’, out Oct. 14, Duggar King opens up about the moment she confronted her cousin about his abuse of his sisters

NEED TO KNOW

• Amy Duggar King opens up to PEOPLE exclusively about the time she confronted her cousin Josh Duggar, who is currently in prison until 2032, after the news came out that he molested five female victims, four of whom were his sisters
• “In that moment, I just looked at him, and I was just like, ‘I don’t know you at all,'” she recalls
• Holy Disruptor: Shattering the Shiny Facade While Getting Louder with the Truth is out on Tuesday, Oct. 14 and available for preorder now, wherever books are sold

Amy Duggar King is opening up about a moment with her cousin Josh Duggar that she hasn’t shared before.

Josh, 37, is currently three years into his nearly 13-year prison sentence for receiving and possessing child pornography. He also came under fire in 2015 after reports surfaced that he molested five female victims, four of whom included his then-underage sisters from 2002-2003. Josh admitted to the molestation accusations but was never charged.

At the time the news was made public about abusing his sisters, Josh’s cousin Amy, 39, reveals in her new memoir titled Holy Disruptor, that she confronted him — and asked him why he never tried to hurt her in a similar way.

Amy recalls after she asked Josh why he didn’t hurt her, she said he “knew better” than to attempt such an action with her. “It was the creepiest smile,” she tells PEOPLE exclusively.

“In that moment, I just looked at him, and I was just like, ‘I don’t know you at all.'”

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Amy grew up very closely with Josh and his siblings and says the revelation of his misconduct, as well as his various other scandals that would soon come to light, were gut-wrenching for the mother of one.

“It’s that realization that all the times he’s texted, and laughed, and we’ve sent memes to each other, and he called, and we had double dates, and all the things. I’m like, ‘I don’t know you at all,'” she says. “[It’s] very sad and terrifying. But I was going over there with a mission. I wasn’t getting any answers, and I’m not one of these to back down.”

As part of her writing process, Amy contacted the fifth victim so anything she wrote wouldn’t “blindside” her. “I was like, ‘I just want to honor your story, and I want people to know that I respect you,'” Amy explains. “I even told her, ‘If you don’t want me to write about anything in the book or put you even in there as a fifth victim, I’m okay with that too.'”

Given where Josh has ended up today, Amy, who has been very outspoken against his actions, now says, “I have a tiny bit of grace for Josh.”

“A tiny, tiny, very small, very minute amount, just because I know that if you have a problem with something, and you go and ask your parents, and say, ‘Hey, I’ve got this issue. I need to talk to someone about it,'” she continues. “And you’re trying to reach out to get help, you’re trying to change, you’re trying to figure out where is that coming from, and all that, and then it kind of gets pushed aside, or not really dealt with. But more of like, ‘Hey, okay, we’re going to send you here and just get you out of the house, and they’ll talk to you there as you build houses,’ or whatever. That’s not true help.”

“That’s not true therapy.”

Amy opens up about her past confrontation with Josh, as well as her own untold story, in her upcoming memoir Holy Disruptor. “I think the entire book will drop jaws. No one knows the things that I was struggling with,” she says.

“Writing [this book] was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do,” she continues. “I pushed myself to my limits. I cried all the time writing it, but I just wanted to be brave and tell the truth.”

At some points, Amy even “wanted to stop writing” altogether, she admits.

“I didn’t want to believe in myself. I literally convinced myself halfway through, ‘No one’s going to read this. No one is going to pay attention to what I have to say. My voice is still small, and I’m not going to be enough for the people that are wanting to read this story,'” she adds. “I really had to transform the way I was thinking. I was like, ‘No, this story could help someone out there.'”